Did you know that at this very moment you could have someone out there who thinks you are their girlfriend, but you're not? It could be someone you went on a couple of dates with or someone you hung out with on a Friday night. You could be part of a couple and not know. Don't believe me? Well, once upon a time Girl met Guy and there was a mutual attraction. Girl and Guy hung out a total of two times before Guy took it upon himself to call Girl and dump her. Was she heartbroken? Devastated? No. She was confused. How did this happen? How did she get dumped by someone that wasn't her boyfriend? You always hear about guys jumping the gun by ending things before they get too involved or hurt, but isn't this a little bit ridiculous?
Story doesn't stop here. Weeks later Guy is at the same bar as Girl and corners her to discuss their 'relationship'. And, this is where my intervention becomes necessary. Drunken and perturbed I hobble up to them and tell Guy that I hurt my foot and currently my shoe is filling up with blood. I need Girl to come with me immediately. I am wearing flip flops. I hope Guy receives this blatant message. No harm no foul. Probably one of the easiest breakups in history.
We should look at this as an urban myth, an isolated incident from a guy who is confused. But this really does happen. Gone are the days when girls are asked to 'go steady' and on to the future where assumption equals exclusive relationship. Say you're friends with a guy and start hanging out, hooking up, and can do things like play miniature golf and cook dinner together when to you it seems casual and to him it seems domestic and couple-y. I see it now as a movie split screen where girl is participating in these events with thoughts of where her next margarita will come from and guy has a cartoon balloon over his head filled with hearts. Does this not seem backwards? Isn't it the girl who's always portrayed as assuming commitment too early? Next thing you know the 'L' word is dropped out of nowhere, on the phone and you think, do I have a bad connection? Was that a 'love ya' in the casual, friendly context? Sadly no, it was a distinct 'I love you.' Oh no. My connection is bad...static...can't hear you....What else can you do in a situation like that? It temporarily stuns you because you didn't even think you were a couple, apparantly he did. Awk-ward. So you'll learn for next time, right?
Wrong.
Fast forward to adult man and when I say adult, I'm talking about hefty career aspirations, ability to purchase real estate, and ultimately discussion of coupledom far too fast and furious. It is this man you should be wary of if you begin dating him near the holidays. He wants you to meet his family, share a Christmas goose, look at houses with him. Wait, what? You have been dating a total of two weeks and you wanted a guy who could commit...eventually. You nod politely and tell him that you would love to meet his family but you are allergic to goose and your own family is expecting you for the holiday. He, being the mature 30-something he is, smiles and assures you that he understands but his sister is having a party next weekend and maybe you can at least meet her then. Because she wants to meet you. His girlfriend. If this was a movie this is where the music would come to a screeching halt because you barely know this guy. Although you have had some fun dates, long conversations, whatever happened to slow and steady wins the race? So the last phone call goes unreturned. And the one after that and the one after that. Immature? Of course. But maybe he will just chalk it up to the difference in age.
I think for a relationship to be considered coupledom that both parties must not only be privy to this next step but agree upon it. There doesn't have to be a signed document, but a clarification, a discussion would be nice. Otherwise, then the guy thinks you are an insensitive, commitment-phobic tramp and you are left wondering how did you not know that you had been cast for the role of girlfriend. I guess there is fine line between the time someone turns from a nobody into a somebody. Sometimes you are dragged across it. Sometimes you'd rather pretend it's not there. Wherever your line is it's your decision for when you want to cross it and if you're lucky, when you're ready, you'll have someone waiting for you on the other side.
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1 comment:
Wow! Love the title. Great instances.
My friend in New York, her boyfriend, and I went out to brunch one Saturday. They've known eachother for about a year, and then about 3 months ago they made it "official." He asked me how long I've been with my boyfriend...
"Oh, we've dated for about 3 years." (Here's where the movie music you speak of comes to a screeching halt).
"What?" He says. "You mean, you guys haven't 'made it official?'"
"Um...Yes, we did...Three years ago."
"Whoa whoa, but you said you were 'dating' him. You can't 'date' a boyfriend, you're 'with' him." He said with a GET IT? look on his face.
So this is some weird mitosis of the Guy. This guy, we'll call him Guy Type 2, is all about the early commitments, labels, next steps, AND he imposes his views on other people. Much sappier than any girl I've ever seen.
Here! Here! To your blog! You have just confirmed that it's the guys that are too domesticated, too quick to love, too couple-y AND with hearts, not margaritas, swimming in invisible cartoon bubbles above their heads.
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