I am going home for one day during this prelude to summer weekend. And, I bet more than one person will ask me if I'm seeing anyone. This question will come from people who will be disappointed when I tell them that I am in fact single. Their faces will register dismay and possibly horrified looks if I jokingly (or unjokingly) say, but I do enjoy casual sex. They will half smile and look around uncomfortably and I will feel the need to leave the situation as gracefully and quickly as possible with a 'take care' and an ass-out hug. I am not looking forward to this.
Most days out of the year, I say 360, I feel like I am happy with my life decisions on a daily. So why is it those other five days I'm faced with questions or people who can make my confidence take a nose dive? Or more importantly, why do I let them? Why is it people are so concerned with pairing you up? It's almost as if I said that I was part of a couple they could breathe easier and know that I've joined the realm of I don't know, coupledom I guess. I will be given reassurances that I will find someone or that I am still young so there's time, though the latter will be said with hesitation and I know they do not really believe this. When this happens I want to say, "Thank you for this eye-opening epiphany. I can quit eating my feelings and show my face in public again." But, I will smile and shrug, embarassed that they are embarassed for me. If you dare utter that you like being single this is like admitting that you like being clubbed in the head with a bat. And therefore no one will believe you; which makes me feel insecure and I begin to wonder, do I like being single? I mean I think I do...I don't know...ok...I guess not. This of course pisses me off because like I said 360 days of the year I am fine with my decisions; I stand behind them, but then those other five days...
I don't know how to answer the question in a right way. Are you dating someone? No. Silence follows. Is that the most interesting thing about me? My relationship status. You have no other questions? If this is the case then it doesn't matter if I am single, married, or practicing polygamy. Is it that some people can't fathom that there are people who enjoy being single or better yet people who don't really take their relationship status into consideration on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kick prince charming out the door, but I don't wake up in the morning, stretch and say, gosh darn it, I wish I wasn't single. I don't sit at home on Friday night and read my horoscope to see if I might find answers to meeting my mate. I don't go out drinking to pick up guys and I don't feel that the fact that I'm single and some guy who is hitting on me is also single qualifies for a match made in heaven.
What do I do in the meantime? Do I lie and say that I'm ready to find the one because then my goal would be an understandable one or do I tell the truth and say I like my life how it is. Either way I will sound like someone who doesn't have a life or someone who is looking forward to a spinster life and a house full of cats.
Since I am T minus three days I have to come up with a plan in the interim. My plan is this: if I get asked if I'm seeing anyone and it's someone that is clearly only asking to be nosy not because they are genuinely interested, I will say, Yes, I am actually. And I have three children. It's great because all of my children's fathers get along. My boyfriend and I have been trying to have a child of our own now. It's hard for us to spend any time together though since I'm teaching water aerobics during the day and he deejays out of his parent's basement at night and most of the time is high and can't focus. I will say all of this with a Bud Light in my hand. I will say, I think I am about four weeks pregnant, not sure, but will confirm with the doctor on Tuesday. Sure glad I'm not single. Whew.
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I wish I had a houseful of cats!!! That would be so cute! Ha ha-- CB, you have a friend that thinks that sounds like a pretty good life :-)
I'm loving the last paragraph. Exactly-- is that what people would RATHER hear? When I went home for the weekend, I got the same thing but different...I had a total of 7 people ask me if I was home for the summer. Now, all 7 individuals have children YOUNGER than me. YOUNGER than me, but graduated, married, and with kids. So just because I am not knocked up and/or married, that means I am home with my parents for the summer? If I'm not married, than I must not have a job, no. Or an apartment of my own. Or live out “on my own” (gasp). And if I don't have kids, then why the heck would I need a job? Or a LIFE outside of marriage?
Single life, meaning "not married" means "in limbo" to small town folks, "single" meaning waiting for your life to fall into place. Instead of laying solid groundwork in your 20's, climbing your way out of debt before adding another name to your checking account, gaining financial and emotional stability before bringing another life into the world, instead people are getting married. That's when you know your life has ended. When that seems like the next logical step.
To those 7 Kingmanites I say-- I AM better off than your children who at the ages of 21 and 22 will eventually be adding to the 50% divorce rate in this country!
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