if i were a boy

I love boys. For so many reasons of course, but maybe for their sheer fearlessness. Fearlessness that could be defined on a different day as idiocy. I always admire a guy who bites the bullet to ask a girl out...unless that girl is me. Because when it happens to me, I don't really realize it's happening until after the fact. By then it's too late to make up an excuse they will believe, so usually I just blurt out, 'I have a boyfriend' or I just smile while saying no and slowly back away. Really, I shouldn't care that much about their feelings, because I'm no fool. As soon as the word 'no' is out of my mouth, they're already on to the next one. Boys are resilient like that. Another reason why I adore them.

Ahhh, if I were a boy...

If I were a boy, I would think of the most nonsensical ways to ask someone out. Nah, I'd make a really bad boy. But as a girl, maybe I should run an experiment and see just what kind of lines, tactics, techniques that guys will fall for. The same lines, tactics, techniques that guys think that we girls will fall for.

Case in point: guy at Jiffy Lube asked what I did for fun. To be nice, I started listing things. Then he asked if I invited people over. Like to my house? Umm...sure. Then he asked if he could be one of those people. Really?! Really, really you're asking that? I politely said my boyfriend would not like that and he without flinching said that maybe we can exchange numbers as friends since he didn't know anyone from around here. For a second, I began to empathize and I asked him where he was from. And he said...

KCK.

You're not from around here? Dude, you're like a twenty minute drive. We're in the same area code.

Then tonight, I'm eating dinner with my friend. I'm showing her pictures on my camera when here comes sailing a sugar packet on our table. I look up to the guy in the next booth and he said, 'Hi' and I said, 'hi' and he said there was a fashion show on Saturday downtown, did me and my friend want to go with him and his friend.

No.

However, the no didn't come out so fast. Again, I felt the urge to be polite and decline nicely but luckily my engaged friend informed sugar thrower that she was indeed, engaged, while I just stared at him, mouthing the word 'no'.

So the experiment is twofold: 1) Try to decline invitations I do not want quickly and worry about politeness after the fact. I don't have to be rude but I don't have to be chatty. 2) Throw sugar packets at boys, hit on them at the gas station, grocery store line and anywhere else I feel like striking up a random conversation not caring whether they do or do not have a girlfriend. Whether they do or do not want to talk to me.

I am going to be a boy. I am a boy.

I'm gonna be a really bad at this. But it's not like they're much better.