Now This May Sting a Little

In high school I was the football team manager. I am from a small town from which produced an equally small football team so my managerial duties didn't extend past providing water and setting up dummies for football practice. On game days, I stood on the sidelines chatting with the third-stringers but ready to doctor someone up should their arm or leg get cut. My method was simple: spray with antiseptic, wrap in bandage, smile and done. It may hurt a little but it happens so quickly the pain is barely noticeable. Sure the cut may heal on its own but wouldn't you rather just have it bandaged and be done with it?

I have a friend, I'll call her Jill, who briefly dated a guy last summer and when she decided that she no longer wanted to follow the progression into a serious relationship she ended the dating. End of story? Of course not. Fast forward almost one year later and the guy texts her on a random Wednesday asking her if she wants to grab a drink that Friday. As a side note, texting has become the favorite go-to communication of people who like to remain ambiguous and noncommittal. Out of curiousity Jill agrees to meet him. When Friday arrives, Jill texts to confirm the meeting time for the hanging out to which guy responds that he suddenly has a work function and he can't make it for a drink. Ok, Jill thinks, but good thing she called to confirm as it seemed that he had no intention of alerting her of this last minute 'function'. Guy suggests rescheduling. One week later Jill decides to stop by guy's place of work (a public store, not a private office, the place where they had first met) to say 'hey' and guy flips out and later texts her, ordering her to never come by his place of work again and what did she want. Though baffled, she apologizes. The following day he sends a text that says this a really busy time at work right now and he doesn't have time to date. And, let me stop the story right here. Guy, weren't you the one who after a year contacted Jill out of the blue to get together only to flake out on the plan two days later? And, when did a friendly 'stopped by to say hey' turn into an incident worthy of a stalking insinuation? When she wanted to stop talking to you, she stopped calling. If you didn't wish to talk to Jill than why did you call her?

Sadly, Jill's story isn't an isolated situation. Five out of five women have become involved with or know someone who has become involved with a guy who makes simple situations complicated, i.e. guys who like to fuck with your head. If you are a female reading this, you may be thinking, I know this guy. If you are a male, you may be thinking, what's the problem? There is usually one of two reasons as to why a guy creates emotional havoc. Either a) he has been heartbroken and when I say heartbroken I mean won't get out of bed, drinks himself to the point of blackout for a month straight, sleeps with as many girls as possible to make his ego feel inflated or b) he likes to be in control of a situation at all times. If you happen to come across a guy that encompasses both a) and b) you are DOA. How do you spot such a guy? How do you not become entrapped in his meaningless mind games? I hate to tell you this but these complicated, issue ridden guys seem to have something about them, the bad boy factor, the wounded puppy you want to nurse back to health because then he will adore you forever and ever. You think, I am the one who is going to break him. I am worth changing for. You probably are worthy but it's not you, it's him. It's the hardest thing to understand and an even harder thing to accept.

Stereotypically speaking, guys think girls are the dramatic ones, the ones who always want to discuss feelings, establish boundaries. But more and more I see guys creating the drama, suggesting dating other people but seriously are pissed off when you actually do just that. They think three dates means you are boyfriend and girlfriend and if you didn't think you were boyfriend/girlfriend their egos are bruised and they become hateful or if you did think you were boyfriend/girlfriend they get freaked out and stop calling. They like you. They ignore you. It's exhausting, it's ridiculous, it happens to everyone. Is it that hard to just say what you mean and mean what you say?

Now I know what you're thinking, isn't the girl partially to blame for putting up with this utter bullshit? Maybe, but sometimes this addiction to being needed, then discarded and needed again is due partly to the thought of real relationships take work and isn't this part of the work? Where do we draw the line? It's a decision every person has to make for themselves. Antiseptic and bandage or open wound? If relationships are about hard work and putting up with questionable behavior just for the sake of giving it a try, if it's going to sting, then maybe along with that dating questionnaire I should just include the following disclaimer:

Do not complicate simple situations. If you don't want to call, don't call. If you don't want a commitment, don't act like a boyfriend with jealous rages and expectations of being at your beck and call. Neither is acceptable. Complicating simple situations causes sprained thumbs from explanatory text messages that are unnecessary. It causes ridiculous analyzations, brain sprains, heart pains and everything in between. If a problem can be handled in ten minutes, please use the ten minutes and move on. If it's going to be any longer, please mix me a drink. Preferably something with vodka. Thank you for your time.