You Know, That One Guy

Weren't you disappointed when during the last episode of Sex and the City we found out that Mr. Big's first name is John. Really? That's it? Not that John isn't a perfectly lovely name but all the mystery, intrigue, and sexiness that had fluttered around Mr. Big for six seasons had been reduced to one of the most common names in America. A similar incident happened to me recently when within seconds my cute, musically-inclined crush turned into another 20-something guy from the 913. Just like when Toto revealed that the Wizard of Oz wasn't a wizard but just some man from Iowa or somewhere. Talk about a let down.

There is something to be said for the unknown. By having crushes on people you've never met, you can stand confident wearing your rose-colored glasses. The perfect facade isn't shattered by the cynical judgment which usually follows after you've seen them dance, heard them laugh or had long awkward moments of silence when trying to talk to them. Is the reason why it's so easy to crush because when you actually really like someone, you have to try? With a crush I can send grade school handwritten notes. With someone I like, it's agony to find just the right words to use when sending a three sentence email. Then I have to worry, did my email sound too forward? I don't want to sound desperate. Will he respond? I psyche myself out over a three sentence email like it's a revelation to the meaning of life.

Before someone changes from a flirtatious crush to someone worthy of liking for the real deal, they usually get dubbed with a nickname. Without nicknames, your friends are going to ask, Travis? Who's Travis? And you'll have to say, you know that guy from three weeks ago that was talking to your high school classmate's boyfriend's neighbor. It helps your friends visiualize who you are talking about. Using descriptive words usually help the most, i.e. the guy wearing the red hat. That way whenever you want to talk about him but not explain who he is over and over, all you have to say is you know, Red Hat. Here, let's try it in a sentence.

Me: Don't look now but my crush just walked in the door.
Friend: Which one? Red Hat?

In the past the following nicknames have been used: Eye Candy, Iowa, Mr. Pottery Barn, DJ, OJ, Bartender, and several references of You Know, That One Guy. Of course, in our secret girl way of wanting to see a fairytale ending, we hope that You Know, That One Guy will turn into The Guy but until then, it's much easier to use the nicknames; that way if they ever become disposable, which they usually do, at least their names can be recycled. Now guys might not like this, the fact they have been reduced to a nickname usually not representative of who they are as a person but I say as long as the nickname isn't Jackass, Fuck Face or anything similar then they have nothing to worry about.

The crush is the best (if not the only) part of a potential relationship. Why personalize a crush if it's nothing more than that? When it's something fun to look at, talk about, why make it into something that it's not? Because before the reality of if a relationship can develop sets in, anything goes. Cynicism is kept at bay. Giddiness ensues. All bets are off because anonymity is noncommittal.

And with an outlook like that who needs names?